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I feel like the extra in a movie.

Life's happy stories are all about perspective.

"Mr. Bush acknowledged that many people in Europe disagreed with his decision to invade Iraq. But he lashed back, pointing out that the United States provides more money than any other nation for fighting H.I.V. in Africa and was dedicated to promoting democracy around the world."
-Bush's Visit to Vienna Is Marked by Tension - NYTimes Online

One good deed does not justify another which is bad.

"Sure I was driving while intoxicated and hit a child in a wheelchair, Officer, but I helped an old woman across the street last week AND I tithe."
"Oooookaaay..."


(I'm trying to catch up for all the time I've not been posting lately.)

"'Let's make some images'. Watching them all I learn the difference, between taking pictures and making images. Pictures are the haphazard, streaky affairs, pale and red and shaky, that live in the little screens on the backs of cameras, good for a laugh and a pass around the table, then ready to vanish into memory and distance. Images are something else entirely. Images are on purpose. They do not look like whatever arbitrary rectangle of space they shared the light with. They start in the photogrpahers mind and get projected, out and back, with lights and battery packs and foundation make-up and low-lying clouds and glass. Images are on purpose and you need to work hard to make them."
-"Ljubljana" by Roger Mexico

"...and Genghis is said by contemporary historians to have labored assiduously in his large harems."
From a New York Times article on a guy who thought he was related to Ghenghis Khan, but then found out he wasn't.

Well, here I am. My first day of vacation as I get geared up to move back to the States. Am I excited? Actually, no. I'm very reluctant. Well, I should rephrase that. I am excited as hell to see my family. Perhaps I will have the opportunity to see a few friends. Those things excite me to no end. But that is a small part of it.

I am afraid of going back. I'm scared of all that goes with starting over somewhere new. New friends, new job, new neighbors, new apartment, new everything. But that would be normal even if I was to relocate within the USA.

-But I'm scared of the 24 hour supermarkets. I really came to enjoy the fact that I could spend my evenings doing something besides shopping.
-I'm scared of the constant cell phone usage. People send SMS/text messages like crazy here, but they don't spend so much time on a cell phone. I have never been with someone who spent their time on the phone with someone else.
-I'm scared of having to drive my own car everywhere I want to go and I'm scared of the loneliness that goes along with not using public transportation. People watching is a very theraputic event. It reminds me that there are other people here riding the train or bus and all of them have different challenges in their life. Driving makes me selfish and I don't like that.
-Most of all, I'm scared of the food. I am afraid of the taco bell and the wendy's and the tv dinners and the corn syrup candy and the genetically modified fruits and the hamburger helper.

-To say that I am afraid of drying my clothes in a dryer would be an exaggeration, but I have no desire to do it. If anything, I want to keep drying my clothes by line because of the energy it saves.
-To say that I'm afraid of speaking English all the time would be a lie, but I want to keep this opportunity to improve my German.
-To say that I am not excited to meet new people where ever my life takes me next would be untrue, but I feel sick inside at the idea of leaving the friends I have here. It will be difficult to find a place so diverse as what I have here.
-More so, I am afraid of being surrounded by so many people who are so ignorant to the rest of the world. Having only lived on 2 of the 7 continents, I already feel how ignorant I used to be. At least now I know have some better idea of the true extent of my ignorance. There is still so much more I can't even begin to understand.
-I'm afraid of slipping into that American, spoon-fed comatose as well. In the States, we Americans don't conciously choose our ignorance, there are so many factors. Distance from other distinct cultures, size of our country, our economic and political power (for better or worse), our media, our politicians, our short vacations[see below].
-I'm afraid of living to work instead of working to live. I have rarely in the US worked with people who work so hard as they did here and I have rarely partied/vacationed/relaxed so hard/long/relaxingly with people in the US as I did with people here. Maybe I'm lazy, but I will miss the 30 days of vacation that gave me the chance not only to refuel from work but to travel and explore and grow beyond the walls of my apartment, office, or some weekend retreat. With so little time, many fewer Americans seem to travel. (fueling the ignorance)

Everywhere I go, I seem to make so many new friends. I love that. I look forward to that opportunity to meet new people. I am afraid of the changes to my relationships that will be required by distance. Kyle and Ben and I won't just hang out and drink beers anymore. Guillermo, Patricia, Catarina, Jennifer, Kyle and I won't be going on another rained-out beach vacation any time soon. Somehow, it still sucks to leave each new group. And somehow I can't stop doing it.

I am feeling quite pleased this morning.

There is nothing quite like waking up after a good night of drinking and hanging out with friends, both new and old. In the face of my 'situation', it is exactly what I needed. Time to kick ass and get myself on better ground.

Plan
Step 1: Collect underpants
Step 2: ???? <------This is where I am.
Step 3: Profit

Today, June 15, 2006, your RealAge is 25.6!
(Calendar says I'm 23.2. If the jerks at work new I was actually 25.6, they probably wouldn't have any problem.)

They can kiss my decrepid ass.

Today, I had a good experience at Subway. I laughed so hard I nearly cried. First, some background. The World Cup is in Germany. Hannover (where I live) is a host city. On Friday, Mexico plays against...someone. Irrelevant. The important thing is that the city of Hannover is exploding with Mexicans.

Today I went to Subway. Standing in front of me was a Mexican who was a soccer fan about 23 years old. Standing behind me was a mexican. Also a soccer fan. He was probably 14 years old. And his dad. Anyway, sandwiched between Mexicans, it felt really weird when I ordered "Mexican" sauce on my sub. I just felt really awkward.

Then, this was the part where I lost it, the kid behind me was ordering the things he wanted on his sub. When they got to the jalapeno peppers, he said he wants A LOT of them. The girl paused and looked at him and told him they were spicy as if he had no idea what they were...as if the Mexican had no idea what a Jalapeno was. Then, she didn't believe him the first time...
"And A LOT of those."
"They're hot."
"Yes."
::distorts face:: "REALLY hot."
"I know, just put the peppers on the sandwich, bitch."
He didn't actually say bitch. But it was hilarious... Stupid Germans.