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I felt really bad tonight. I exploded at my dad. Pretty much unprovoked. He was talking to me where I was sitting at the card table I had set up in the living room, so I could work on cleaning up my music collection while watching a movie. He was asking me about my external harddrive. The list of questions went like it usually does when he sees something he doesn't recognize: "What's that?" "That's school property?" (not really usual, nor really a question. The usual is something that implies the object does not belong to me.) "How much did THAT cost?" I can feel my ears getting hotter and hotter with each question as I get more angry for feeling like my entire budget is under constant scrutiny, as if I should ask him before making every purchase. "Hi, dad, it's Kyle. I know its 3 in the morning, but I just wanted to ask your permission before I bought some Taco Bell while I'm taking this study break." He does a great job of making me responsible for myself in all other ways, but when it comes to money, he makes me feel like I never do the right thing, unless I put ALL of it in the bank and look at it. Sometimes its ok to eat, but that's pretty much it. I sorta understand because I owe him a lot of money. But its not like I spend money all over the place or like I haven't been trying. I work pretty hard. I've worked over break, I have worked at school every year. I do spend money too, though I guess. I went to Europe for nearly a month two summers ago. And I worked at a summer camp for the 3 or 4 summers prior to that. A job from which I did not accumulate any savings whatsoever. Maybe I just want him to believe that I haven't forgotten about paying him and I'm not blowing it off and that he would just let me do it and yet spend a little bit of my money on other things as well. AHH! I just hate that feeling as the anger comes when he starts that line of questioning.