Wednesday, October 13, 2004
I broke my finger a few weeks ago playing IM football. I have had to wear a little brace on it since then. It hasn't stopped me from doing much, except playing IM football. It slows my typing and it makes my handwriting really sloppy, but otherwise I have felt relatively unaffected by it. It doesn't even stop me from coloring. ;-)
Today was different. I was in lab working with some legos. I had to put some legos that were on my lab bench away on the other side of the room. When I tried to pick them up, I couldn't grab them in a fist because of the splint. When I tried to scoop them off the table into my hand, they spilled everywhere because I couldn't make an appropriate cup with my hand. I became frustrated that I couldn't conquer this simple obstacle. My lab partner told me to just hold my hand out and she would put them in it.
She was doing her best to help me, but I felt something I had never felt before. I felt helpless and I felt something between being a burdon and being looked down upon. I know that's not what my lab partner meant by it at all, but I couldn't help but feel those things. I needed to be able to pick up those legos on my own. I needed to feel that frustration resulting from my temporary disability and overcome it.
I can only speculate that this situation was different than others in which I have recieved assistance because I am not sure that I could have accomplished this task on my own. It may have also been because I felt like I wasn't as good as my lab partner because I couldn't pick up some legos on my own; a simple task that most of us can accomplish without any real thought.
It makes me wonder how I make other people feel, people who can't do some of the things that I take for granted. Do I make people feel as horrible as I did yesterday when they can't do a simple integral and I can? Do I make others feel like less of a person when I offer to make things 'easier' for them instead of letting them try to do everything else under the same circumstances everyone else does? Could it be that I make people feel that way just by offering to help too often, or when they don't really need it? I might not want to make them feel that way, but that doesn't always matter to them, they still feel the way they do, independent of my intentions.
----
"...
People really need help but may
turn against you if you help them.
Help people anyway
..."
I was just about ready to post this when that part of a larger poem ran through my head. I have always very much liked that prayer/poem. I have always thought it true. But right now I am wondering how correct it is. Would it be better for people to actually accomplish things or would it be better for them to feel good about themselves, to feel accomplished?
What/who determines our level of accomplishment?
--
Imagine this situation: A man is in the hospital with a life-threatening disease, but one that can be treated. If he refuses treatment, an option to which he has the right, he will certainly die. The man has a wonderful wife, great kids, a large home, a nice car, and a good job. He wants to refuse treatment, practically committing suicide, because he thinks he has a shitty life, unhappy with his accomplishments.
Would you tell him that most people would be extremely greatful to have half of what he has? Would you try to tell him that he should continue living, that he has so much to live for, that he has accomplished so much and he should do everything in his power to continue living?
-
Most people seem to say that he should live, they try to tell him that his life is 'worth' living.
Now imagine that the man in the hospital is extremely poor. He owns only one or two pairs of clothes. He stands with other bums around a burning barrel every night and lives in a pile of trash. He has no family that will claim him and he is at the very bottom of the societal ladder. But he is extremely happy. Much happier than the man described above.
Would you try to describe to him how happy society has decided that he should be? Would you tell him how bad his life really is, how unaccomplished he is and that he shouldn't be happy?
"...
People really need help but may
turn against you if you help them.
Help people anyway
..."
If it makes them unhappy to have your help, should you really help them? Should they be happy with what they have or should someone decided that they need to be able to do certain things or to have certain things, even if getting those things makes them feel disabled; makes them feel bad about themselves?
Today was different. I was in lab working with some legos. I had to put some legos that were on my lab bench away on the other side of the room. When I tried to pick them up, I couldn't grab them in a fist because of the splint. When I tried to scoop them off the table into my hand, they spilled everywhere because I couldn't make an appropriate cup with my hand. I became frustrated that I couldn't conquer this simple obstacle. My lab partner told me to just hold my hand out and she would put them in it.
She was doing her best to help me, but I felt something I had never felt before. I felt helpless and I felt something between being a burdon and being looked down upon. I know that's not what my lab partner meant by it at all, but I couldn't help but feel those things. I needed to be able to pick up those legos on my own. I needed to feel that frustration resulting from my temporary disability and overcome it.
I can only speculate that this situation was different than others in which I have recieved assistance because I am not sure that I could have accomplished this task on my own. It may have also been because I felt like I wasn't as good as my lab partner because I couldn't pick up some legos on my own; a simple task that most of us can accomplish without any real thought.
It makes me wonder how I make other people feel, people who can't do some of the things that I take for granted. Do I make people feel as horrible as I did yesterday when they can't do a simple integral and I can? Do I make others feel like less of a person when I offer to make things 'easier' for them instead of letting them try to do everything else under the same circumstances everyone else does? Could it be that I make people feel that way just by offering to help too often, or when they don't really need it? I might not want to make them feel that way, but that doesn't always matter to them, they still feel the way they do, independent of my intentions.
----
"...
People really need help but may
turn against you if you help them.
Help people anyway
..."
I was just about ready to post this when that part of a larger poem ran through my head. I have always very much liked that prayer/poem. I have always thought it true. But right now I am wondering how correct it is. Would it be better for people to actually accomplish things or would it be better for them to feel good about themselves, to feel accomplished?
What/who determines our level of accomplishment?
--
Imagine this situation: A man is in the hospital with a life-threatening disease, but one that can be treated. If he refuses treatment, an option to which he has the right, he will certainly die. The man has a wonderful wife, great kids, a large home, a nice car, and a good job. He wants to refuse treatment, practically committing suicide, because he thinks he has a shitty life, unhappy with his accomplishments.
Would you tell him that most people would be extremely greatful to have half of what he has? Would you try to tell him that he should continue living, that he has so much to live for, that he has accomplished so much and he should do everything in his power to continue living?
-
Most people seem to say that he should live, they try to tell him that his life is 'worth' living.
Now imagine that the man in the hospital is extremely poor. He owns only one or two pairs of clothes. He stands with other bums around a burning barrel every night and lives in a pile of trash. He has no family that will claim him and he is at the very bottom of the societal ladder. But he is extremely happy. Much happier than the man described above.
Would you try to describe to him how happy society has decided that he should be? Would you tell him how bad his life really is, how unaccomplished he is and that he shouldn't be happy?
"...
People really need help but may
turn against you if you help them.
Help people anyway
..."
If it makes them unhappy to have your help, should you really help them? Should they be happy with what they have or should someone decided that they need to be able to do certain things or to have certain things, even if getting those things makes them feel disabled; makes them feel bad about themselves?
# posted by Kyle @ 11:31 PM 
Comments:
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I imagine there is probably a very fine line. Sometimes people really need to be helped. The benefit they will gain is greater than the hurt that they might feel about being helped. But some people might not feel hurt from being helped but are too stubborn to ask.
Even though I felt hurt because I needed help, maybe its possible that that's just an emotional obstacle that I must overcome with the injury, to realize that there are, and will continue to be things I cannot do on my own. I must humble myself enough to accept those 'shortcomings' and to accept help.
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Even though I felt hurt because I needed help, maybe its possible that that's just an emotional obstacle that I must overcome with the injury, to realize that there are, and will continue to be things I cannot do on my own. I must humble myself enough to accept those 'shortcomings' and to accept help.
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